14 | A Perfect God

Recently a good friend of mine mentioned or raised an observation that I tend to blog as an outlet for things that I cannot say. And I fully agree that blogging is one of those things that I do to clarify my thoughts because putting something into words takes a lot of energy and thought.

Aside from that I had another aha moment today about me. I realised that a lot of times my disagreement with people with regards to theology/how God is represented tend to be when God is represented to be flawed in my interpretation ( I fully have to add that qualification because I am beginning to see more and more that I do take things differently from people). And on the ride home I was wondering, Sylvina why is a perfect God so important to me? The conclusion that I came to is that should God not be perfect, trusting Him is like trusting some thing that is unreliable and will fail. And I truly believe that that is not attractive. Then God is not different then anything and everything else I place my hope on, it's just wishful thinking.

13 | Easter / The Gospel

Have you tried to be good but don't seem to be able to do it? Desire to be better but can't seem to? That's sin, that's our desires reigning supreme. As much as we want to put other first we cannot( at least not all the time). We might not think that there's a penalty for desiring to put ourselves first, after isn't this world all about what I want? Well it's not, it's against the very grain of why we were created. And the price for disobedience? Death! This is the very reason we need Jesus! We needed someone who could be not self-centered to pay the price of our sin. He is the only reason we can Hope.

12 | Surfing the Net and Wasting Time

Seems like a futile post to write. Especially in the middle of the night further wasting sleep time. However the random mess I have surfed through over the last hours was really not worth it, and probably embarrassing- so not willing to show anyone my browsing history....

All that aside, what I want to say is may it be surfing the net, watching youtube or reading a book, once you're done would you say that you have used the time wisely? Have that time been stewarded well and been upgraded?

Honestly this is way deep for how late this is, yet there is a distinctive vibe of truth vibrating and emitting its wisdom. Maybe this is it, the mantra to life viewing time the way we see our talents. Something that God have given and something he EXPECTS us to be faithful in. To add another dimension on why this is so important is the currency of our Christian Faith. God measures our life by our faithfulness with what he have given us. It's not a comparison between me and someone else but between today's me and yesterday's me. It's a race about doing better for God. Obviously I do not claim to have really gotten this until last svc with Brad Lomenick where he drill it home to us that God have a specific calling for each and everyone of us. Where the gifts and passion he had given us weld into a beautiful masterpiece. Since He gave each of us that special combination just for us, we are judge merely by that He had already given to us and not to others.

11 | Writing, Fan-Fiction & Stray Thoughts

Is it okay to write a story in the fictional world someone else created? Is that the definition of Fan-fiction?

I'm only asking because I crave to write a story but in the depth of my heart there is a irrational fear that i would not be able to create a world that is interesting and characters that readers would root for. With fan-fiction there is a lot of things that are no longer in your control. The characters are formed, all you have to do is answer how would the character respond in that scenario. Of course that is an over simplification. There are many types of fan-fiction. It could be in the form of a rewrite of the current story for a canon divergence. A missing scene or moment that the original artist did not include. An alternate universe(AU) with a lot more questions to answer, such as why did the character become like the one we so loved in the original source material. In the end though, a fan-fiction helps to answer some of the questions about the story you are writing, thus simplifying the process.

Sidetracking, I think I just found out why I love to read AUs in fan-fiction. It gives the writer the most freedom to be creative about the characters and stories we had fallen head over heels for. It is the epitome of wanting to read a new story without the baggage of getting acquainted to a new cast of character.

On another note, re-reading what I have written the term 'source material' stood out to me. With things like movie adaptation of a book and a TV show based on comic, it is all based on a source material like the original book and comic. The question is are the movies and TV show created considered fan-fiction?

10 | Style

OMG cannot believe, okay I can, that I just spent the past 4hrs =.= looking at styles on different blogs and youtube and all. I didn't even watch a show, it was literally doing Capstone then styles all over. Wow that was quite some time.

Okay so the main topic I really want to talk about, style. As I have mentioned previously I'm from an engineering school. What that means in real life is that most of my colleagues in university cant be bothered or dont care about how they dress. If I see another hundreds shorts and tee pairing over my last month in schoo, it is going to be no surprise. Being in a partial architecture school a LOT of people mistake me for being an Archi kid. Which I did consider at some point but is ironic considering most of them can barely sleep what more dress up. In total all I wanted to say is I like to dress well. There are times where I choose to dress more casually, like those Sundays I spent giving tuition. But those are well once a week....

What I really really want to talk about style though, is dressing for you. I mean trends come and go, you are hardly likely to be able to do them all. However when those styles trickle to where you usually buy clothes, all you have to do is do you. In all honesty 90+% of my clothes are not bought in Singapore, probably 90% of my everything except food... Most of them are from BKK from my yearly trips (which I think I wouldnt be able to make this yr 0.o ), however there are things in there that are naturally on point because people generally sell things that are trendy.

Through it all though you still have to find your comfort zone. Up there in the descriptor it says motorbike, and yes I am a female rider. The question I get the most about riding is "eh Syl how did you ride in that?" I mean come on, I ride a scooter it's not that hard.... Ooo this always comes up cause I love dresses and skirt.

Part of finding your comfort zone is knowing what flatters you. I'm quite fat -.- so I tend to not leave my arms bare, my skirts tend to be high waist and my dress are most likely A line. I wear a lot of leggings cause they are comfortable [:

The last thing to note though is to know what you're doing that day. So currently my timetable for school is rather heavy on Monday's and I have church classes at night. I expect to be sitting in cold rooms, with hardly any movements. Hence on Mondays I tend to dress in long pants/leggings with dress shirts/long shirts. In general I know I freeze a lot in class, so I hardly ever leave the house without some form of jacket that I can use to layer up.

In general this post is rather haphazard. Probably because it's 3am and I should totally be sleeping. I really want to start documenting how I dress, but I'm kinda lazy to set up my camera and it's not like I have a friendly photographer friend who would do it for me.... If I do set it up.... Here are some selfies that are not really meant to showcase outfits but do give a flavor of how i dress... I love blue btw, it weirdly started during my MJC days where I wear blue to sch everyday.... Oooo an my hair is black to blue/green, its getting greener by every wash, which washes me out. :p

9 | Territories I Cannot Believe I'm Going Into

I hope you read my apprehension from that title, because I really am writing this with a heavy heart. Being a Evangelical Christian I always have had strong opinion about the whole LGBT issue, especially as my view of the faith grew. Moreover I am not speaking of this as someone who have not been affected personally by this whole debacle. I have had a close Christian sister who left church because of the way this issue was dealt with. I have heard her pain and disappointment, to a certain extent I agree with her. Not because of the issue she is defending but how it was dealt with.

This topic is probably such a big deal right now because of US declaration that gay marriage should not be banned in any of the states. Yet looking through all the people supporting this cause, there too are others who would lose their freedom because of it. Why is marriage equality so important? What is it about being married that makes you a committed couple different from a non-married one? Isn't it interesting with the wane of marriage in Heterosexual relationship the trend is exactly opposite in the Homosexual community?

What does the paper signify? For Christian going into marriage its a covenant I make to my Husband and God to be but with one men for the rest of my life. I doubt as a same sex couple, marriage meant much the same- especially the covenant with God portion. So is it about the law recognizing you as one? Why is that necessary? I feel it is clearly an agenda to tear down the institution of marriage and its sanctity.

If the argument is marriage equality because I was born this way. My only question to you is that if I was born a compulsive liar should I continue lying? How about rage, should my committing murder be allowed? How about stealing? Where is the line between my freedom to choose and my freedom to harm others? Because to me for the LGBT community the only difference between having a marriage certificate and non, is the ability to adopt. To create a child we need a men and a women, what makes you think that you need anything less to raise a child? Or do you think that women and men are the same? If they are then why do you prefer those of your own gender?

In many ways I know I can be offensive in my questions, but I am really curious. The law use to not allow same sex marriages, but same sex practices are not prosecuted. With marriage equality on the table, should I be a Christian in the states, practicing my religion and choosing to not be part of your marriage I could be prosecuted for practicing my beliefs.

Recently someone I subscribe to on youtube came out of the closet. Honestly this was not sparked by her video, however on another youtube channel I follow came out a new monthly favorites video. You probably guessed it, the first thing was all about the first youtuber coming out and sharing about living authentically. In other words being true to her nature of being gay. I would like to add once again here I am not unused to knowing people in the LGBT community. I do enjoy Modern Family's Cam and Mitchel. Yet I want to go back to those questions I asked a few paragraph back, say I have anger issues all my life, to the extent that my family was scared of me. Should I live authentically? Say I love to eat Hamburgers and I hate exercising, should I live authentically? Say I am a drug user, should I live authentically?

If you say no to any of the above question, you need to touch your heart again and redefine whether there are absolute moral laws. One that I truly believe in is that one never have the right to put another person in harms way, and placing children in anything but a nuclear - one father and one mother- family is putting that child in harm's way. One's right to live the way he wants to, should not place another in harm.

ps. on a side note, I do aim to hit every single thing I list in my description ie. Beauty | Books | Craft | Food | Life | Motorbike | Photography | Religion | TV Shows. I think I still have to go to craft, motor, photog... I do have some material for those.........

8 | Renewing My Mind

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2

Have you ever thought what the heck is renewing my mind? How do you do it?
Let's leave that thought there and rewind a little.

I just came out of #hopeconf15, ONE. One of my objective going into conference was for God to give me more compassion for the lost, because I felt that my conviction to SAVE SUTD FOR JESUS was merely a conviction in God wanting to use SUTD. I don't see myself actively working towards that goal and it fed me up. I was hoping that God will show me His love and heartbreak for the lost that it would drive me to be his hands and feet. I expected it to be like moments that people have shared where God deposit a bit of His heart for the lost and I would be overwhelmed by His pain.

However at the end of the first day God made it really clear, to love the lost and reach out to the lost is to fall more deeply in love with him. When Jesus captivates your heart and you're his follower you will naturally reach out for the lost. I was really awed by how God was moving and shaping my perspective. The end goal is not to have God's heart as a means to an end but to love God so much that pleasing Him is the only thing that mattered.

I thought that was the end of God's message("would you fall more deeply in love with me?") for me, but God had much greater stuff installed for me. During the last song that we sang - Relentless- I was thinking to God, what is it about your relentlessness that I'm repeating over and over again. Basically, why are we singing this song? And I just felt God telling me that, I have been relentless in my pursuit for you, would you be relentless in your pursuit for the lost? I think some of you might have heard the phase "we are all here today because someone sowed very hard on us". The implication being we should not be easily discouraged in our sowing journey but press on. However at another level this phase connotes that we're following the example of another man. Instead God was challenging me that I was the one that pursued you relentlessly, would you be my hand and feet, persevere beyond your endurance level while holding to the true source of strength Jesus Christ?

I was being jokey and kinda told one of my LG mates that I did not understand the point of that praise song wanting to bring out the point that I learnt. One of them told me we were singing the song as a declaration. Although that is true, don't you declare things for someone to know something. So in this case when we declare "Your love is Relentless", who are we declaring it to and for what purpose? In the church we are all believers, so we're declaring to each other that God have pursued us relentlessly and will continue to do so? That did not square with my God, its like me saying that my boyfriend is pursuing me relentlessly. As believers our relationship with God is 2 way street, there's no need to declare that he is relentless.

Thus as I was riding home, I was trying to piece all these things together. Thinking of the whole idea of proclamation, I realized that we proclaim God's character because it implicates how we live our life. The declaration of that truth should not end there but should impact my lives somehow. In this case the understanding that Jesus' loves us relentlessly, is a call for me to be relentless in my pursuit of the lost. The same way that my understanding that Jesus have the victory, is an encouragement to live life fearlessly for God. Or that God is faithful, is a reminder to not worry about tomorrow. Hence we should understand that truths about who God is affects how we live our lives.

Hey Sylvina, how is this whole long text wall about renewing your mind? Well if you have not caught it, here it is, renewing your mind is the act of allowing truth to change your paradigm. Specifically, knowing the truths of God better affects how you lead your life, therefore allowing you to no longer conform to the pattern of this world. The truths are meant to transform your mind and implicitly your actions. Moreover this argument is further supported by the last line in the verse where Paul talks about being able to test God's will, how else are you to know God's will other than by knowing who he is?

Interestingly understanding more about God is also the only way you can love God more. Only when you know someone can you love that person. I felt like pulling all these thread together God gave me a pat to my back, "My daughter you just have to continue to learn more about me and let that knowledge transform you life. You're on the right track, good job!"

Basically all in all God is asking you one thing, would you know me more and let that knowledge shape your life?